some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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