the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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