Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
