I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
