I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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