Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
