Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
