East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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