You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
