i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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