Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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