She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
