i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize