Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize