I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
