She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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