somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
