I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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