i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
