I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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