his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
