Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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