the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
