dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
