The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
