I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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