Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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