I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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