i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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