she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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