I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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