After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
