You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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