This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
