Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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