I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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