I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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