someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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