i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
