we have officially lost it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
