fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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