tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
