K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
