It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize