Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
