i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
