There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
