Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize