at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
