This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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