at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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