where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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