Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
