he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize