The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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