her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
