If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
