Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
