I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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