im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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