if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
