please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
