and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
