I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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