Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
