no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This toilet bowl is my home.
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