if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
