I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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