that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
