I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
