im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
should my penis look like a turkey
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
