I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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