That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
