I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
