You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
